<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>teenage wasteland by ootn</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23638357">teenage wasteland</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ootn/pseuds/ootn'>ootn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Soulmates, chenle best brother/friend/wingman, jisung is in denial</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:13:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,010</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23638357</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ootn/pseuds/ootn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the worst thing about being in love with your best friend's brother, jisung has decided, is everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Na Jaemin/Park Jisung</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>i met you in a dream</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>teenage wasteland</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the worst thing about being in love with your best friend’s brother, jisung has decided, is everything. </p><p> </p><p>he hates himself for it, he hates everything about the situation and the cliché-ness of it all. he never thought his life would turn into a cheesy teenage drama trope, but here he is. </p><p> </p><p>he’s known chenle and jaemin for as long as he has lived in seoul. he moved from busan when he was just six, a very tall, very slim, very terrified little boy. he kept to himself as much as he could, but one day, when he was sitting at the bench alone at recess, a soccer ball flew out of nowhere and hit him on the head. all of a sudden, a tiny chinese boy was in his face, asking if he was okay and apologizing profusely. jisung had insisted it was okay, and chenle had invited him to hang out after school. they had been inseparable ever since.</p><p> </p><p>along with chenle, of course, came his adopted older brother jaemin. jaemin was one year older than chenle and two years older than jisung, and he looked after them like they were both his brothers. </p><p> </p><p>hence the reason jisung was sure jaemin would never see him as anything other than a pseudo-brother and a friend. </p><p> </p><p>when jisung was seven, jaemin helped him ride his bike without training wheels for the first time while chenle cheered from the sidelines. he made the younger boy wear a helmet and knee and elbow pads, and jisung was terrified, but jaemin didn’t let go until he was sure jisung was ready. </p><p> </p><p>when jisung was nine, he broke his arm falling off the monkey bars. chenle immediately ran inside to get help, but jaemin stayed by his side until his mom came to drive him to the hospital. he was the first person to sign jisung’s cast, and after it had healed called it his “superhero arm.”</p><p> </p><p>when jisung was twelve, jaemin helped him with his science fair project, giving him pointers on what had worked for him and what hadn’t worked for chenle. he got an a+ on his project and when he had shown jaemin, the older boy’s smile was so big jisung swore it could have outshone the sun. jisung thought it was the prettiest smile he’d ever seen.</p><p> </p><p>when jisung was fifteen, he had his first date. jaemin lent him some of his nicer clothes, as none of chenle’s would fit, and gave him a little pep talk before sending him off. as soon as he got back, jisung called jaemin and made him put in on speaker so he could give him and chenle all the details and let them antagonize over every word he said and every move he made for hours. when the girl asked him if he wanted to go out again, they all celebrated.</p><p> </p><p>when jisung was sixteen, his first girlfriend broke his heart. he had cried for weeks and jaemin was there every free moment he had, in between packing for college and finishing up his senior year. chenle was so busy taking his junior year exams that he couldn’t come over until much later most nights, but jisung appreciated it all the same, especially when jaemin was there to wipe his tears and remind him it wasn’t going to be like this forever.</p><p> </p><p>when jisung was seventeen, jaemin took him for a drive before he left for college. just jisung, no chenle. they drove around the back roads for hours talking and reminiscing and <em> maybe </em> crying. just a little. jaemin wasn't going to be far away, he constantly reassured everyone, but he was going to be <em> away</em>, and everything wasn't going to be the same anymore.</p><p> </p><p>now jisung is eighteen, and it’s the summer before his freshman year of college. he’s in the car with chenle and his family on the way to pick jaemin up from the airport. he's returning from a conference for something or other, jisung wasn't really paying attention when jaemin told him, because he was sad to hear that he'd have to wait a little longer to see him. </p><p> </p><p>it’s jaemin's first time back home since the holidays, and jisung is so ridiculously nervous for no good reason. he just hasn’t seen jaemin in <em> months </em> and he doesn’t know what to expect. he's also not sure how his poor little heart is going to react. he's been telling himself for ages that he's finally gotten over jaemin, which was easier to believe when he didn't have to actually <em> see </em> him every day. but that didn't mean that jisung wasn't constantly scrolling through jaemin's instagram, even though he hardly posted, and viewing jaemin's snapchat stories as soon as he posted them. <em> just to see how he's doing</em>, he told himself.</p><p> </p><p>sure, him and jaemin still talked. they called some and texted a lot, but nothing could fill the jaemin-sized hole in jisung's life. he'd spent his whole life with jaemin by his side, and now that he wasn't, well, it was tugging at his heartstrings. </p><p> </p><p>"jisung," chenle says, poking him in the cheek, and he snaps out of his angst. He realizes belatedly that they've arrived at the airport and gives the zhongs an apologetic smile, climbing out of the car after chenle. there's a bit of arguing before they make it to jaemin’s gate, because no one believes that chenle could be the only one to correctly remember the number, but he is (they all have to agree to never forget this as long as they live), and as soon as they see him their entire party breaks out into cheers. jaemin runs toward them, beaming with that beautiful smile of his, and jisung feels his heart shatter. jaemin hugs them one at a time, and when he finally gets to jisung he swears his heart stops.</p><p> </p><p>jaemin looks even more beautiful than he did the last time jisung saw him, taller and tanner and his hair is darker and longer. jaemin meets his eyes and whispers “i missed you” before leaning in and giving him a warm hug. jisung freezes on the spot, but he manages to choke out, “i missed you too” when jaemin pulls back and grins at him.</p><p> </p><p>jaemin ruffles jisung’s hair, just like he always used to, even though now jisung is centimeters taller than him and it’s a bit more awkward. but it’s not unwelcome, and jisung blushes a little bit when jaemin does it.</p><p> </p><p>the ride back to the zhong’s house, as well as dinner and post-dinner socializing, is uneventful. everyone is more than happy to listen to jaemin gush about how his first year went and how much fun he had at the conference. but jisung is reeling, just from one simple interaction with jaemin. what does jaemin think? does he think jisung’s gotten skinnier? does he like his haircut? does he think he’s weird because he was so awkward when they hugged? he decides he’ll never know and sighs quietly to himself. he needs to get over this.</p><p> </p><p>"do you have anyone… <em> special </em> in your life?" mrs. zhong asks teasingly, and everyone laughs as they wait for jaemin's response. everyone but jisung, that is, though he coughs and tries to make it not so obvious that he's absolutely dying to know. </p><p> </p><p>jaemin puts down his glass, narrowing his eyes at his mother in fake annoyance before he responds. "i don't," he says simply, "i mean, i've met a lot of people, but you know. no one's really caught my eye," he finishes, and it's then, right at the end of his sentence, that jaemin's gaze flickers over in jisung's direction. it is quite literally the briefest eye contact in jisung's entire life, possibly in the world, ever, before jaemin looks away and shrugs. "maybe this summer," he finishes, and jisung feels a stampede of elephants in his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>the rest of the evening passes without event, thank god, though jisung has to excuse himself at least once to the bathroom to give himself a stern talking-to about calming down and not turning into a bundle of nerves whenever jaemin looks at him.</p><p> </p><p>chenle had already arranged to have jisung stay the night, so once his parents finally decide to go to bed the two of them say goodnight to jaemin before making their way to chenle’s bedroom. there was certainly another room for jisung available, which the zhongs point out every time he stays the night, but ever since they were young jisung and chenle had slept together when jisung spent the night. tonight was certainly no exception. sometimes, jaemin would sleep with them too, and jisung always had a hard time falling asleep with jaemin pressed up against him.</p><p> </p><p>now, he thinks, he’d do a number of things to be cuddling with jaemin. just thinking that makes him blush, and he’s glad to be alone with his thoughts. chenle has been asleep forever, it seems like, and jisung wishes he could say the same for himself. unfortunately, he’s still wide awake, staring at the ceiling and wondering if jaemin thinks about him anywhere near as much as jisung thinks about him.</p><p> </p><p>after laying in the dark for what seems like forever, jisung decides he needs to get out of his head for a bit so he makes his way to the kitchen, planning on getting a cup of water before returning to chenle’s room and trying to sleep off his crush. unfortunately, when he gets to the kitchen he finds himself face to face with jaemin, leaned over the island in the middle of the room with messy hair, no shirt, and clad only in boxers. </p><p> </p><p>jisung stops dead in his tracks, and no matter how hard he wills himself not to turn red he feels his face heat up anyway. jaemin gives him a crooked grin, that same dazzling smile that always knocks the air out of jisung’s chest as he says, “jisung! i thought i heard footsteps, what’s up?” jisung can barely hear himself respond, “i just needed some water…”</p><p> </p><p>damn jaemin, jisung thinks, damn jaemin for having the gall to stand here in all his shirtless glory at two in the morning. damn him for making jisung look at his muscles, his well defined abs and his sculpted arms. damn jaemin for fucking with his head once again, taunting him with something that’s so close but yet he knows he can never have.</p><p> </p><p>jaemin seems unaware of the torment he’s causing jisung, and he shrugs, “okay, then here,” and pushes the glass he himself had just taken a sip from across the island to jisung. jisung wants to say “i’m not thirsty anymore,” wants to scurry back into chenle’s bedroom and lock the door behind him, but he’s already acting like a freak and does not need another reason for jaemin to suspect that something’s up with him. so he makes his way to the island, grabbing the glass and taking a tentative sip. in typical jisung fashion, he puts it down too hastily when he’s done and it falls over and spills everywhere.</p><p> </p><p>“shit,” he says, but he doesn’t do anything. he just stares at the water, watching it trail toward the edge of the countertop before dripping onto the floor. he snaps out of it, then, because he feels eyes on him and realizes that jaemin is staring at him, no doubt wondering why jisung is just standing there like an idiot instead of cleaning up his mess. suddenly he’s mumbling “sorry, sorry,” before making his way to jaemin’s side of the island and grabbing a roll of paper towels. he tries going around jaemin to get back to the side he’s made a mess on, but as he squeezes between jaemin and the fridge he feels a hand on his wrist.</p><p> </p><p>for a moment he freezes, letting jaemin grab hold of his wrist. after a beat, he turns around slowly, and the look on jaemin’s face says it all. <em> he knows</em>.</p><p> </p><p>"water," jisung squeaks, gesturing toward the small waterfall that he's added to the zhongs’ kitchen, but jaemin seems like he couldn't care less. so jisung gulps and sets the paper towels down on the island, trying and failing to meet jaemin’s eyes. he ends up staring at his arm, admiring the way jaemin’s fingers wrap around his wrist. then jaemin clears his throat, so he finally lifts his head and looks jaemin in the eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“you like me, don’t you, jisungie?” jaemin says, and it’s honestly more of a statement than a question but jisung still tries to cover his ass.</p><p> </p><p>“of course i like you hyung, you’re one of my best friends,” he replies in a small voice, and jaemin rolls his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“you know what i mean,” jaemin says plainly, and jisung can feel his heart rate picking up.</p><p> </p><p>there’s no use denying it anymore, so jisung cuts his losses, sacrificing his pride as he holds jaemin’s gaze and says, “yes, hyung. i like you.”</p><p> </p><p>jaemin nods curtly, and jisung wonders if this is it, the end of their friendship, the end of years of history, and he must have blinked because he doesn’t remember jaemin getting so close to him. jaemin now has his jisung pinned to the island, jaemin’s arms resting on the countertop on either side of jisung’s body and face just centimeters from his own.</p><p> </p><p>jisung can feel how red he is, and he gulps audibly because he doesn’t know what’s coming next. but then jaemin moves one hand to place one finger under his chin before he leans in and then they’re kissing.</p><p> </p><p>jisung is frozen once more, never in a million years could he have predicted this and he doesn’t know what to do. he’s dreamt about kissing jaemin before, but never did he ever think it would be a reality. but, he realizes, he <em> is </em> kissing jaemin and he certainly doesn’t want to waste it caught up in his head. </p><p> </p><p>he kisses jaemin back tentatively, but jaemin seems to have no plans of taking it slow, and he kisses jisung like he has something to prove. and does he? memories flash through jisung's head at lightning speed, of jaemin picking him up when he fell as a child, of jaemin holding him through his post-breakup meltdowns, of jaemin putting his hand on his thigh as they drove past the park he and chenle met at. of jaemin holding his hand in the car on the way to the dorms before move-in. of jaemin kissing him on the cheek before they left. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> of what? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>jisung freezes, and jaemin's tongue is still in his mouth when he abruptly pulls away. </p><p> </p><p>"i, um," he mumbles, meeting jaemin's bewildered gaze, "i'm sorry hyung. i'm sorry. i have to, um, just, i'm sorry," and then he's speeding out of the kitchen and into the guest bedroom he <em> never </em> uses, slamming the door behind him before leaping into the bed and pulling the covers over his head.</p><p> </p><p>jaemin stands in the kitchen for a long time, and it feels like forever before jisung feels his footsteps travel past the guest room (when his heart does an involuntary twist), and back toward his own. jisung hears jaemin close the door and turn out the lights, and he waits a while before he creeps out of the bedroom and out of the zhongs' house altogether. he leaves everything behind, his clothes, his toothbrush, his cell phone. he considers going back for his phone, but what does he need it for? the only people he talks to are chenle and jaemin and he won't be doing <em> that </em>anytime soon. </p><p> </p><p>he takes the long way home, meandering down the sidewalk under the street lights. there's not a single light on, nor a car on the road. everyone's fast asleep and jisung wishes desperately that he could be too.</p><p> </p><p>it's all coming back to him now. all the signs, all the very-really-way-too obvious signals that jaemin sent him that jisung always wrote off as jaemin just being jaemin. all the things jaemin did that made the butterflies in jisung stomach turn into a zoo, all the things he'd turn over in his bed for hours contemplating what it meant to jaemin and what jisung wanted it to mean. </p><p> </p><p>all the things he'd brushed off, and then continued to pine after jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>he really is an idiot.</p><p> </p><p>he doesn't know what's wrong with him, and he kicks a fallen branch as he passes it. <em> what the fuck is wrong with you? </em> he asks himself, but he can't come up with an answer. it's time to face the facts. he's been in love with jaemin his whole life, and he suspects everyone knows, hell, jaemin and chenle's <em> parents </em> probably know. he knows his parents do, because he sees the looks they send one another when they think he's not looking whenever jisung mopes about missing jaemin, whenever jaemin gets jisung on the phone and gets him laughing harder than anyone else can. he's tried to hide it for so long, and for what? he wasn't fooling anybody, not even himself.</p><p> </p><p>and now what? jaemin wants him, wants him the way jisung wants him back. jaemin is giving jisung what he’s always wanted, and yet. there's something in him that's holding him back, the something that made him suppress all his even remotely romantic memories of jaemin and run away from him after they kissed. </p><p> </p><p>jisung arrives at his own house and realizes he doesn't have his keys, so he has to punch in the garage code and pray his parents are in deep enough sleep that it doesn't wake them. when he gets inside, however, he finds his mother, curled up on the couch in the living room, reading a book. </p><p> </p><p>"mom?" he asks, every bit as surprised to see her as she is to see him. </p><p> </p><p>"jisung? what are you doing back? aren't you supposed to be at the zhongs'? are you okay?"</p><p> </p><p>it's too much, the questions he can't answer and the worry written all over her face and his heart feeling wild and confused, and he starts to cry. </p><p> </p><p>"oh, jisung," his mother whispers, and she opens her arms wide to him. jisung goes easily, letting his mom pat him on the back as he tries to regain control of himself. </p><p> </p><p>"what's wrong?" his mom asks, gentler this time, and jisung sighs. </p><p> </p><p>"jaemin," is all he has to say, because he knows his mom knows. his mom knows <em> everything</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“did something happen?” jisung shrugs pathetically, and his mother gives him a sympathetic look. "i know you two care a lot about each other, jisung. you're very lucky to have that kind of relationship. not many people do." jisung sniffles. </p><p> </p><p>"i know, mom, it's just…" he tries to find the words he's looking for. "what if we aren't supposed to be together?"</p><p> </p><p>his mom looks surprised. "why wouldn't you be?" she asks, sounding genuinely curious, and jisung shrugs helplessly. </p><p> </p><p>"it's just, i've known him my whole life, mom. i don't want to risk ruining a lifetime of friendship over some stupid crush." he's not fooling his mom, and he's certainly not fooling himself when he downplays his crush. they both know it's far more than that. </p><p> </p><p>"jisung," his mom says, taking both of his hands in hers, "you need to let yourself be happy. it's okay to take chances." jisung looks at her with teary eyes and nods. "i think jaemin is a chance worth taking," his mom says quietly, and jisung has nothing to say to that.</p><p> </p><p>⭑</p><p> </p><p>the conversation with his mom helps, but he still has a week-long invitation-only pity party in his room with the ryan plushie that jaemin bought him years ago. he doesn't talk to anyone, not even chenle, who comes by to drop his phone off and doesn't press when jisung's mom tells him that jisung is unavailable. but chenle does blow his phone up, sending concerned text messages with lots of question marks and hearts and leaving voicemails that are saturated with worry. jisung puts his phone on do not disturb and throws it in a desk drawer.</p><p> </p><p>the thing is, even if he can rationalize with his poor, confused heart, he still fucked up majorly in the jaemin department by bolting when jaemin kissed him. who knows what jaemin thinks of him now, what jaemin <em> feels </em> now. <em> that’s </em> something he can’t just explain away. especially not to jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>eventually, jisung decides it’s time to attempt to patch up the one relationship that he <em> can </em> try to fix, and he finally reaches out to chenle. he responds to the approximately one zillion “ru okay?????? miss u ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜” texts chenle has sent him, replying with just a simple “hey,” and chenle is at his door five minutes later.</p><p> </p><p>jisung opens the door (after hearing chenle <em> pounding </em> it hard enough to shake the whole house) to a flushed and very winded chenle.</p><p> </p><p>“did you run here?” is all he can think to ask, and chenle rolls his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“you’ve been m.i.a. for a week, sungie, i thought you died.” jisung winces.</p><p> </p><p>“i’m sorry, chenle. i—” </p><p> </p><p>“is this about jaemin?” he asks bluntly. it takes jisung by surprise and he doesn’t know what to say. chenle sighs. “will you at least let me in?” startled, jisung opens the door wider, and chenle pushes past him. </p><p> </p><p>chenle makes himself comfortable in an armchair in jisung’s living room, leaving jisung to perch on one end of the couch. they look at each other for a long moment, and then finally chenle breaks the silence.</p><p> </p><p>“so. my brother.”</p><p> </p><p>jisung blinks at him.</p><p> </p><p>“what happened?”</p><p> </p><p>jisung regards him carefully. “what did he tell you?”</p><p> </p><p>chenle throws his hands up. “does it matter? you’re my <em> best friend</em>, jisung. i don’t care if you like my brother. but i’m not going to let it come between us, no matter how hard you try.” he’s trying to come off as unbothered, but jisung can tell he’s hurt. jisung swears under his breath. chenle was never meant to be collateral damage in the matters of his heart.</p><p> </p><p>“i’m sorry, chenle,” jisung says again, “i shouldn’t have avoided you. and i’m sorry for keeping things from you. i’ve always wanted to be honest about this but i… i don’t know how.” chenle nods, and jisung can tell there’s a sort of relief that washes over him.</p><p> </p><p>“thank you. you’d better not ever do that to me again, or i will kick your ass. you scared me, jisung, but you can make up for it now. now, talk.” </p><p> </p><p>“okay,” jisung says, sighing deeply. “um. well. i… kind of, um.” he’s stalling, because he’s trying to think of the most casual way to say <em> “i’m head-over-heels in love with your brother and he’s been making moves on me for years and i always ignored it. also, we made out in your kitchen and then i left him there. oh, and i know he’s your brother, so hopefully this doesn’t make you incredibly uncomfortable.” </em></p><p> </p><p>“spit it out, jisung,” chenle says sternly, “stop trying to protect me. you need to tell me what’s going on. i deserve that much.” and he’s right.</p><p> </p><p>“i’m in love with jaemin,” jisung blurts out, and he feels a weight lifted off his chest immediately. it actually feels really good to admit that to someone. chenle doesn’t look impressed, though.</p><p> </p><p>“i know,” he says flatly, and jisung’s eyes widen. </p><p> </p><p>“how? why? did he tell you?”</p><p> </p><p>“jisung! how many times do i have to tell you that you’re my best friend! and he’s my brother! i can read both of you like books and it’s so obvious that you’re in love with each other! it has been since i was like, eight!” jisung is a bit dumbfounded, emphasis on <em> dumb</em>, because duh. he needs to get his shit together.</p><p> </p><p>“right,” he squeaks. chenle stares at him expectantly. <em> well, here goes</em>, he thinks.</p><p> </p><p>“i… know that jaemin loves me, too. he’s always been obvious about it, so obvious, but i always wrote it off as him just being… him. you know how he is,” he says desperately, and chenle raises an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“i do know how he is, jisung, but he’s different with you. he’s not like that with anyone but you.” </p><p> </p><p>jisung sighs. “i’m a coward,” he says, and chenle gives him a look that says he agrees. “i always run from things that scare me, even when i know they could be good. i’ve always been so scared to lose jaemin, and i’d rather go my whole life wanting him but never saying anything than risking losing him as a friend. at least, that’s what i always told myself,” he admits.</p><p> </p><p>“so stop.” </p><p> </p><p>“it’s not that easy!”</p><p> </p><p>“jisung, trust me, i know. do you have any idea what it’s like to grow up and always be scared your best friend is going to abandon you for your brother?”</p><p> </p><p>jisung opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again. “chenle, i—”</p><p> </p><p>“no, that’s my point. i know you never meant to make me feel that way, and it’s unrealistic. but it was still an irrational fear i had, and i had to get over it. i had to push through it, because i couldn’t try to make you two stay apart, ’cause if i did that then you’d definitely pick him over me. i just had to accept that you two would always be close and that it was okay. it wasn’t going to ruin our friendship.”</p><p> </p><p>jisung is amazed. he never knew his best friend could be this poetic. </p><p> </p><p>“you need to do the same thing with your feelings for jaemin. i know it’s scary and it’s easier to push them down, but it’s not right. both of you deserve to be happy and neither of you can be with you putting up a wall between you guys. you owe it to the both of you to get it together and tell him how you feel. he already knows, anyway, you just need to make it clear.” chenle seems to have finished his speech and he sits back in his chair, regarding jisung, who looks like he’s, well, in shock, to be honest.</p><p> </p><p>“i never…”</p><p> </p><p>“you never thought about it like that. i know. jisung, it’s okay. you can love jaemin and let him love you back. it’s scary, but it’s worth it. your feelings are a chance worth taking.”</p><p> </p><p>“my mom said that,” jisung says.</p><p> </p><p>“well, she’s right.” </p><p> </p><p>jisung sighs. “anyway, we… kissed.” he nearly whispers the last word and chenle rolls his eyes. “what?” he asks, defensive as always. </p><p> </p><p>“do you think that i can’t handle hearing that my brother kissed someone?” chenle asks, exasperated. “what are you expecting me to do, say it’s gross and cover my ears?” </p><p> </p><p>“well, yeah,” jisung says. chenle buries his face in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“well, i’m sorry but that’s not happening. i’m not <em> twelve</em>. what’s <em> gross </em> is that you’re still trying to get out of telling me why the hell you left my house in the middle of the night.”</p><p> </p><p>jisung looks at him sheepishly. “i got… scared?”</p><p> </p><p>“of what?!”</p><p> </p><p>“i don’t know! i started thinking about everything, all the things he’s done to show me he loves me and all the times i blew it off because i told myself it was just me reading into it too much. and then i realized that he really has loved me all along, and all along i’ve been too scared to properly deal with it, and after all these years he finally did something that i reciprocated and i panicked and i… just left him there.” jisung sighs. “i fucked up.”</p><p> </p><p>“yeah, you did,” chenle says, and the two of them stare at each other for a long time.</p><p> </p><p>jisung looks away eventually, because he's embarrassed and he doesn't need chenle reading everything that's on his face all at once. he kicks the carpet anxiously, and eventually chenle says, "jisung, stop," so he does.</p><p> </p><p>“chenle…” jisung asks after a while, and chenle raises his head from where he’s been staring at the ground to make eye contact. jisung looks at chenle helplessly. “what do i do?”</p><p> </p><p>⭑</p><p> </p><p>rocks. that’s jisung’s grandiose plan to get jaemin back. throwing rocks at his window in the middle of the night, praying jaemin wakes up. why is it that every single romantic encounter they have is after the sun goes down?</p><p> </p><p>turns out, jaemin doesn’t wake up, because he isn’t asleep to begin with, and he sticks his head out the window after jisung has hurled five rocks at his window and landed only two.</p><p> </p><p>“jisung?” jaemin yell-hisses, and jisung gives him a sheepish grin. </p><p> </p><p>“hey, jaemin,” he says, like he isn’t standing in jaemin’s backyard at two a.m. like he didn’t bolt when jaemin kissed him and then avoid him for a week.</p><p> </p><p>“what the hell are you doing?” jaemin asks, sounding equal parts surprised and pleased. but there’s a bit of hesitation, too, and it makes jisung’s stomach twist guiltily. </p><p> </p><p>“i’m trying to win you back over,” jisung admits, “i’m trying to woo you into kissing me again.” </p><p> </p><p>jaemin looks at him incredulously. “are you serious, park jisung?” he demands.</p><p> </p><p>“dead serious,” jisung deadpans. </p><p> </p><p>jaemin seems to consider this for a minute, and then he flips jisung off. but he’s laughing, and jisung is grinning at him like an idiot. “wait there,” jaemin says, as if jisung would go anywhere, and then he disappears from the window.</p><p> </p><p>jisung waits patiently for jaemin to appear, but he can’t ignore the anxiety growing in his stomach. <em> it’s okay</em>, he tells himself, <em> it’s jaemin, and he loves you</em>. his stomach clenches at that thought in a way he can’t quite describe. <em> focus</em>, he scolds himself mentally, <em> tell jaemin how you feel and let whatever happens happen. </em> </p><p> </p><p>the back door opens, and jaemin appears. he approaches jisung, looking exhausted but absolutely beautiful. he’s wearing sweats and a shirt of jisung’s that he stole from him years ago, and no shoes. for some reason, jisung finds that adorable.</p><p> </p><p>“care to explain yourself?” jaemin asks, but it’s not harsh like jisung was expecting. it’s gentle, but jisung can feel the tinge of hurt that’s embedded there. </p><p> </p><p>there are a millon proper responses to what jaemin’s just asked, but instead of utilizing any of them he blurts out “are your feet cold?” like a dumbass. he slaps a hand over his mouth when he realizes how stupid what he’s just said is. so far, not so good.</p><p> </p><p>“jisung!” jaemin scolds him, sounding an awful lot like chenle. he deserves it.</p><p> </p><p>“sorry,” jisung mumbles, and jaemin cracks a half-smile. </p><p> </p><p>“it’s okay. you’re an idiot, but that’s one of the reasons i love you so much.”</p><p> </p><p>neither of them says a word, and the smile falls from jaemin's face. they’re both somber now. jisung figures it’s time to apologize before he says something else stupid, and he takes a tiny step closer to jaemin.</p><p> </p><p>“i’m sorry that i ran off,” jisung says, taking jaemin’s hands in his own, “i got scared. i don’t know why. well, actually, i do.” </p><p> </p><p>jaemin holds his gaze, but he lets jisung link their fingers together. jisung gathers all the bravery he can find in him, taking a deep breath before he opens his mouth again.</p><p> </p><p>“i love you, na jaemin,” jisung says, and for once his voice doesn’t waver. “i’ve loved you my whole life and i think you know. i know you love me too, and that’s why i got scared. you know me better than anyone, even chenle. you know i’m always scared to take chances when everything is already so comfortable. but i think this…” he gestures between them somewhat aimlessly, “is worth it. to me. it’s worth it to me. even though it scares me, i want to do this for you— no, with you. i want to be with you, i want to date you. i want to be boyfriends and go on real dates and go for drives in the middle of the night and make out in your car. i want to hold hands when we go out and sneak into your bedroom when i’m supposed to be sleeping over in chenle’s room and tell our parents we’re together. i want to do everything with you, jaemin, and i hope i haven’t ruined my chances forever,” he finishes. </p><p> </p><p>jaemin blinks at him, slowly, and jisung wills his heart to slow down. </p><p> </p><p>and then jaemin breaks out into a smile so bright that jisung can’t help but smile back.</p><p> </p><p>“i want that too,” jaemin says quietly, and jisung lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “i love you too, jisungie, i was wondering when you’d realize that. you’ve— you’ve never been like a brother to me. i’ve always loved you.” and then like dejavu, they’re just inches apart again, and jisung can feel jaemin’s breath on his face. </p><p> </p><p>“can i kiss you?” jisung asks, breathless already, and jaemin grins. </p><p> </p><p>“i thought you’d never ask,” jaemin says, and jisung kisses him. </p><p> </p><p>it’s different from the kiss in the kitchen. that kiss was unsure and uncertain, desperate and confused. this kiss is everything but. this kiss is passionate and heated and so, so tender. it’s everything a kiss with your soulmate should be. </p><p> </p><p>they end up on the ground, in the grass, tangled up in one another, laughing and maybe even shedding a few happy tears in between kissing each other senseless.</p><p> </p><p>“jaemin,” jisung says, eventually, when they’ve calmed down, and jaemin turns to look at him. they’re still lying on the grass next to one another, holding hands and looking at the stars. </p><p> </p><p>“yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“do you think we’re soulmates?” </p><p> </p><p>jaemin grins. “yeah, i do.”</p><p> </p><p>jisung smiles back at him. “me too.”</p><p> </p><p>jaemin turns onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow and reaching to brush jisung’s bangs out of his face. “i’ve always thought so.”</p><p> </p><p>“really? even when i dated lena?”</p><p> </p><p>jaemin nods. “even then.” </p><p> </p><p>“how… why? why didn’t you…?” jisung asks in awe.</p><p> </p><p>jaemin gives him a half shrug. “you were sixteen. i had to let you figure it out on your own. plus, i never really thought she was your type anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“my type? jaemin, how would you even know that?”</p><p> </p><p>“well, she wasn’t, you know...” </p><p> </p><p>“you?”</p><p> </p><p>“me.” jaemin says, smirking, and jisung smacks him.</p><p> </p><p>“full of yourself as always,” jisung says, but jaemin knows he doesn’t mean it and sticks his tongue out at him. </p><p> </p><p>“you were my first kiss, you know that?” jaemin asks, and jisung stares at him with wide eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“really? i thought— what about jeno?”</p><p> </p><p>jaemin rolls his eyes. “he liked me, but i wasn’t really into him. i gave him a shot but we ended up being just friends anyway. i suppose i could have kissed him, just to see what it was like, but i wanted to wait for you.”</p><p> </p><p>jisung starts to tear up, and jaemin reaches to wipe them out of his eyes. “hey, don’t cry. it’s okay!”</p><p> </p><p>“i know,” jisung sniffles, “it’s just, that’s so sweet, and i—” </p><p> </p><p>jaemin kisses him before he can say anything else. “jisung, it’s alright. everything’s alright. we’re together now, right?” </p><p> </p><p>jisung nods. “i’m sorry, just… you know i cry when i’m happy!” jaemin chuckles. jisung manages to pull himself together again, taking a deep breath before he catches jaemin’s eye again, blushing a little. “i’m glad…. i’m glad you waited for me. i’m glad you didn’t give up on me. i love you.”</p><p> </p><p>jaemin smiles. “i would have waited forever, jisungie, i’d never give up on you. i love you too. i’ll always be here.” </p><p> </p><p>jisung smiles to himself and then turns back to jaemin. “well, since you’ve been waiting so long, do you want to…?” he trails off, smirking, and jaemin’s jaw drops.</p><p> </p><p>“jisung, my entire family is inside.”</p><p> </p><p>“who said anything about going inside?” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i've clearly been on a jaesung bender these past few weeks :[ i have a lot more in the works that are taking a bit longer than i anticipated so please bear with me! i hope u enjoyed this thing that's been in my drafts for over a year :&gt;</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>